Lazarus Returns

Lazarus Returns
A play in one clash

The curtain opens on a bear stage with Jesus and Martha standing mid-stage. They are
not talking but both looking towards stage left.

A flash then smoke from stage left. Lazarus steps from the smoke coughing.

Lazarus: What. What is this?
(He looks around)

Jesus: I have brought you back from the dead, my son.

Martha: Oh! Thank you Lord for bringing my brother back.
(She kneels kissing Jesus’ hand)

Jesus: It is a reward for a good Christian woman.

Lazarus: Wait a minute! You brought me here just because she asked you to?

Jesus: Yes, my son.
(He takes Martha’s had helping her stand)

Lazarus: Nobody ask me if I wanted to come back. I was happy right where I was.

Martha: I just thought you would want to come back and be with us.

Lazarus: Yeah Right. The only time you ever wanted me to be around is when you
wanted some money. Well, guess what, I have been dead, and I don’t
have a single denari.

Look I spent my whole life, all sixty couple years of it, being good. Always
denying myself a lot of the real fun things, like hard liquor and fast women
just so I could go to heaven.

Well, I finally made it, and it was nice. You’re never hungry. You’re never
tired. All day long you just sit around and visit with folks. It’s so nice.

But here I am thanks to you two. I have to work my fingers to the bone
just to get a bowl of grisly sheep meat and gruel. It’s hot. It’s dry, and I
have to wear scratchy old clothes all the time. And what’s worse is I know
for sure how nice heaven is, so I have to be extra good this time to make sure
I get back.

So, tell me again just how lucky I am to be back!
(He stomps off stage right)